What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

dealing with the system

okay, so, I'm starting this blog because I'm frustrated with the system.  It's a long story but I'm going to start way back.  My mother is bipolar - manic depressive.  She was diagnosed in 1986.  My only memory from that was being at my aunt and uncles for Christmas that year. I was just told my mom was sick but I didn't understand why or what was going on. My mom had just gotten divorced from my father about a year earlier - I think. We had also returned to Missouri from living in Colorado a little less than a year before her first hospitalization.
My mom said she saw a lightning bolt go off in her brain and that God told her "The bride groom is coming".  She also remembers being in the car and yelling for my grandmother to "Stop the car because her angel was dead" (me).  They woke me up to find I had merely just fallen asleep. She also now states that she had a nervous breakdown and was given medicine by one of my aunts (prescribed for my uncle who has also been diagnosed bipolar).  My mother thinks this started her chemical imbalance which led to the bipolar disorder.

I don't remember the details correctly or the dates but my brother had gone to live with my grandmother.  My father molested my older sister (not his daughter).  My parents were divorced.  My father had visitation rights with my younger sister and I.  My father molested / touched me inappropriately.  I was supposed to visit him for Christmas but hid because I was scared to go.  My younger sister went instead.  She was molested that night.  I remember answering the phone to her crying out for our mother.  I ran and got my mom.  She took the call and quickly put me in the car with her.  We drove to my fathers house.  I stayed in the car and my sister ran out after my mother went in.  My mother came out soon after and drove straight to the police station.  My father was not allowed to be within a certain area (100ft or something) of us.  He came over many times when my mom wasn't home.  We would all 3 hide in a bedroom or sneak out the back door.  He would yell at us and threaten us.  One night my mom let him come over.  She was doing laundry - folding whites.  There was a laundry basket full of folded socks...and we played tag with them.  I admit it was fun but it was wrong for him to be there and we were so young and innocent.  What could we do?  The next day at school (5th grade), they called my name over the intercom to report to the office.  I saw a man and woman in dress suits.  Unfortunately, I was familiar with the "state people" and knew exactly who they were. I walked into the office and they told me I must go with them.  I asked them where we were going and they told me they needed to talk to me and my sisters.  I asked if they would take us home to our mom and they said yes, after we talked.  My younger sister was already in the car.  We drove to the high school where the man and woman exited the car.  The doors were child lock so we couldn't get out.  I tried yelling to my older sister not to get in the car.  Of course, she did and this is when I learned she called them.
We drove down the highway, right passed our another town close by.  We were put into a child detention center for the weekend.  That was scary...the kids in there were very troubled and we were shy and kept to ourselves.  They allowed us to share one room so we felt more safe.  They gave us a tour and let us help cook the meals.  On Sunday, we were placed in a foster home with a loving family of 5.  The couple had 3 girls of their own and now had us 3 girls also.  We really liked it there.  Their oldest daughter was my age and we were in the same grade.  Our foster mother was the cheer coach and got me on the squad.  We were there for a few months.  Having 6 girls was difficult and we were placed in another home temporarily...that lasted one weekend.  They found another home that would take all 3 of us.  They had two boys but no kids living in the home.  That was a strange home.  The took pretty good care of us and I think they loved us but again, it was too hard for them to keep all 3 of us.  They couldn't find a home that would take all of us so we went to court and were going to have to be split up.  My grandmother asked my mom if she would allow us to live with her so that we could stay together.  My mom agreed - but now regrets that decision somewhat. We have now been gone from our home with our mother for about 9 months.

*too much for today...cya tomorrow.


  1. Amanda, this is such an awesome start and I think you will find blogging to be very healing ... a way to divest your heart of burdens. In all things, keep the Faith and God will keep you in His strength.

  2. Thank you. It is very healing so far. I worry about getting details correct...I don't want to offend anyone.