What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

love isn't enough

My mom was in the hospital when her mother passed away.  She was in the hospital when 4 other family members passed away.  She thinks it's a conspiracy sort of.  She thinks the family doesn't want her to attend these funerals and so we have her locked up.  Of course, this is not true.  She's missed a lot during hospitalizations...birthdays, funerals and holidays....etc.  My great aunt that my mother was caring for is sick and not given long to live.  We tried to avoid hospitalization on my mother so that she could attend the funeral.  Since the doctors have been wrong about our aunt passing so far, we just couldn't wait any longer.  My mother has progressively gotten worse daily.  This is the worst she's ever been, I believe.  She always has lack of sleep, pressured speech, racing thoughts....normal manic bipolar symptoms.  but this time, she also has been spending lots of money that she doesn't necessarily have to spend and paranoia.  She told me she thinks she's third on a hit list and that drug lords are after her.  She thinks the FBI is aware of it and they are following her to protect her.  She always has fixated on things from the past and added a few new ones.  She tends to hate those that she is usually the closest to. 
It was a Friday around noon and too late to try and get a 96 hour hold through the courts.  The weekend got more and more worrisome.  I hadn't heard from her and was worried...had no idea if she was okay.  When she finally contacted me, she was very irate and belligerent.  She was easily angered and there wasn't much that would calm her.  She hadn't been sleeping and was going from a very high manic state to a depressed state crying.  She said she just wanted to sit in her car and die. Worried, I called the police to do a well check on her.  I called her back and the police took the phone from her.  They asked me to meet them at the ER. I went immediately.  She thought she was there for a medical check up.  Her chest her and she thought she was having heart problems along with a few other physical issues.  The doctor issued a 96 hour hold with affidavits from me and an aunt.  It was a long 4 days...they mentioned they did not usually request for 21 day holds.  So...we are we go again. Seriously, what does it take to get someone help?  Miraculously, a new doctor came into the picture.  He had treated her a couple times previously and was familiar with her case.  He requested a 21 day hold as he felt she was a threat to herself if not treated with medication under the right supervision. for my mom.  Ya see, if she goes too long without medication,  there is a point where there can be no return. She may be unable to be return to daily life and have to be institutionalized.  This is my greatest fear.  This is why I try so hard and care so much.  People ask me all the time why don't you just let it be...what's the worst that can happen?  There are many bad things that can happen if left untreated. She is my mother.  I love her.  This is what you should do.  She helps people every single day of her life. Many lives benefit from this one person.  She deserves to get better.
One thing I want to work on when she is better this time is getting her to agree to help.  She needs to see a psychiatrist weekly and work on many underlying issues.  She needs to have her meds regulated by a professional.  I fully believe if she did this and worked with a psychiatrist, she could go a long time without an episode.  The only reason she stops taking her medication is because of the side effects.  For the most part, she admits she likes the way it helps her sleep and stops the racing thoughts.  She doesn't like sleeping for 14 hours (unwakable) and doesn't like gaining 50 plus pounds.  Who would?! 
On another younger sister lost custody of the two kids she had in her care.  I don't know what she needs, but definitely help that I cannot provide.  Maybe it's a disability, a mental illness or maybe she needs rehab.  I hope to stop this cycle in my family.  I want to go back to the days when we all got together for Thanksgiving and Christmas and family vacations.  Those were the good ole days.  Those are the memories I hope to make with my family and stop the cycle. 

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